I have a brother-in-law who is unmarried. He and his partner attend church fairly regularly and took their newborn son to be baptized in their local parish church. The priest refused the child on the basis that the parents were un-married. They felt judged and rejected. Several months later, that priest was found guilty of pedophilia. One can imagine their reaction.
The common man on the street wants to respect the Church, but he stays at a cautious distance. He feels we will inspect and scrutinize his life. He has reason to suspect the Church will attempt to judge him. And so, he comes at Christmas and Easter, he attends his daughter’s wedding, and his grand-daughter’s baptism. He’s a “two-timer” and a “hatch, match, and dispatch” man.
What has gone so wrong that our perceived image is not one of embodying mercy but more about being the judgmental “moral police”? Yes, we have the godly offices of priest, prophet, and king – when really pushed, we have to make judgment decisions. But just because we can pass judgment does not mean we should. And when we do, scripture teaches us, our judgments must be tempered with mercy.
There is only one title that should describe the Church on earth – “The Church Servant”. We have no other choice. Our Lord told us from the start that being a servant is the only way we should use our power.
So, why would we ever want to discourage someone from being baptized? If we are waiting for them to live perfect lives, then we have it terribly wrong. Perfect people have little need for Baptism. Imperfect people need it very much. Are we looking for “commitment” like our own? Is that not teaching the neophyte to emulate the wrong person – not to mention expecting them to hop straight to the end of the delightful journey?
The only hope the modern Church has is God’s grace and a more thorough imitation of Christ’s model of leadership – serving. This is especially true if we really want to double our membership by 2020.
I recently came across a Butlers’ Guild course philosophy:
“Our people are committed to excellence. Emphasis is placed on professionalism, formality without pretension, adaptability, and willingness to ‘get the job done’. Butlers are trained to provide efficient and confident household service to enhance the lifestyle of the employer, the family, and any guests. Protection of clients’ privacy is paramount to our philosophy.”
How well that philosophy should suit us. Simply substitute “Episcopalians/ Christians” for “butlers” and we have a great “mission statement”.
We have to overcome our natural appetite and tendency for residing “upstairs”. That presumptuous position sits very badly with the common man. We “sons of thunder” must make ourselves go downstairs – to the servants’ quarters. We have been upstairs far too long – going downstairs only when it suited us. Our Lord told us - ever so clearly and time and time again - that we should even prefer life downstairs, “serving, not preferring to be served”.
This means that anyone who comes to us is our master. We are their servant. We do not question their requests – that is not our role. If it is in our power – if we can do it – we must. It is not our will that must followed but the will of those we serve. We serve God, in them. If they want to be baptized, and we can do it, then we must do it. He gave us the power and He showed us how we are supposed to use it.
But what if they are not regular “church-goers”? What if they are not married? What if the “five times a year” rule does not suit them? What if they do not feel comfortable having the their baby baptized with six other families during an hour and a half long Sunday mass – surrounded by strangers? What if their family will only be in town on a specific date? Many clergy seem to fear and dread these people more than an unannounced visit from the bishop.
We know our preferences, but we also know our place – we are their humble and obedient servants. We should be delighted they are seeking Baptism. We should see that spark of divinity which led them up that frightening path to the Rectory. In short, we should depend more on grace and less on our own semi-pelagian expectations.
We can still be the moral guide for people without trying to castigate them into submission. When people have created difficulties in their lives, our kind sympathy will carry more weight than our harsh criticism.
Eventually, a good servant will impress their master. Those we serve will notice our integrity, our faithfulness, and our loyal and joyful devotion to them. We are “the Help” – so let’s help. That is our highest principle and our deepest joy. Our deepest regret should be an opportunity lost.
Respectfully submitted,
The Rev’d Shane Scott-Hamblen
Rector of the Episcopal Church of St Mary-in-the-Highlands
Cold Spring, NY
and Hudson North Regional Dean